I can’t cope with my broken heart. (letter from a friend)

Hi Ella.
I am in a complex situation. I am married. My wife is a wonderful woman and she loves me dearly. However, I married her on a rebound and I never really loved her. But after our first date, I could see she had fallen head over heals with me. I could not bring myself to telling her that I wanted to stop seeing her. Well, the short of it is that I married her. For the last 11 years, we had what my friends call a blissful marriage and we are the envy of all. What they do not know is that I have been suffering silently. While I have done all my duties as a husband in providing emotional, spiritual and material support, I never got back from my wife emotionally nor sexually. She is a very reserved woman and she never quarreled with me. I wished we had fights, but she would not even respond to any angry words. She would simply not engage me in any fights. But, what I wanted was a soul-mate and I do not find that in her.

What was worse, for the last 13 years, 2 years before I married my wife, I had been secretly in love with another woman. She was much younger than me then and I did not know if she would reciprocate my feelings toward her. That was why I did not pursue a relationship with her. Well, a few months ago, by a chance discovery, we realized that our feelings for each other was mutual all along. I was crestfallen! Here I was, suffering in a one-sided marriage, and here I happened to find out recently that I should have married the other woman. While we were never intimate physically, we have committed what is considered emotional adultery and I am deeply ashamed of myself. This other woman happens to be one of my wife’s good friends. You can see the complications there. After 4 months, we have decided to call it a day and break up this secret relationship. Almost immediately, she was courted by another man and she is now going steady with him. I am truly happy for her. But I am not totally devastated. I am a total wreak, I am in depression and I can’t seem to do anything. I mope around all day, my heart palpitates and my blood pressure shot up. I could not tell my wife what happened as I do not wish to hurt her. At the present moment, divorce is not an option or I would have married the other woman. But I find divorce a very cruel treatment to my wife as she is totally in the dark. As I dote on my wife (even though I have absolutely no feelings for her) she thinks that I am still madly in love with her. I am overwhelmed with grief and I have no one to talk to. And I am consumed with deep jealousy with the fact the other woman is now happily courting another man. What should I do? Help!